Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
tell me about the fingering
Randomize