R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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