god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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