I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
