That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
