Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
