Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
