I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
