Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
