In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
