I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
