69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
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