between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
