I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
