Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
