we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
