I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Randomize
