Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
