I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
