why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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