Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
