My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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