haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
