I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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