This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
