he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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