dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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