it was like his penis was on wheels.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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