You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
