He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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