I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
