Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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