yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
