I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
