Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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