There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
