I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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