dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
