Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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