It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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