he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize