Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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