Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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