I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize