went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
