we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
