why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
