You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
