SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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