I wish I could punch you in the face.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
