I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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