I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
