Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Sober January is a disaster.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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