You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
