hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
