walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
