So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
