why didn't you poke me back
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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