my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
