dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
