It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
