I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
