Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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