i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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