I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
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