there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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